Having My Cake and Eating it Too

Today I’m celebrating the third anniversary of my 29^th birthday. Happy Birthday to me! Today I’m eating my cake, this morning I ate my cake, and tonight I’m eating my cake, and Saturday I’m eating my cake again. Why? Because I can.

This is my eighth bariatric birthday, I’ve earned it. But the real reason is; I have become normal again (or finally). Really.

As a new post-op I probably wouldn’t have eaten cake. I certainly wouldn’t have indulged three or four times, but now I know I’m just like a regular person (other than I do have to be careful not to indulge in large portions because of dumping). I can have cake on my birthday as part of my healthy lifestyle which includes a bariatric eating plan and regular exercise.

I know, after seven years of post op life, that cake on my birthday isn’t going to derail me. In fact, it solidifies in my mind that food doesn’t control me. I’m not a crack addict that after one hit could be sucked back into a life of addiction.

This morning my beloved Romantic Interest woke me up with an individual sized chocolate cake in bed, before lunch my awesome co-workers indulged in homemade iced brownies with chocolate chips and nuts with me. I just got a text message from my best friend and roommate that when I get home tonight she’s going to have a home cooked meal with a homemade cake waiting for me. And to top this all off, on Saturday my parents are taking me out to a fancy dinner and will doubtlessly have cake for me then too. 

Wow, I am loved, and not in the food = love way. In the “my friends, family and lover want to spoil me rotten on my birthday” because every other day of the year I earn their love and devotion as they do mine.

Life is sweet, so is the cake.

Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps

I dare you to take these lettuce wraps to your next party or serve them to your family and friends without mentioning they are vegetarian. Stand aside PF Chang’s. I’m giving you a run for your money.

2 cups Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP)
1 ½ cups boiling water
1 package baby bella mushrooms, minced
1 can water chestnuts, minced
1 head bib lettuce, washed and leafed

Stir Fry Sauce

¾ cup warm water
2 tbs cornstarch
¾ cup soy sauce
½ cup sugar
¾ cup rice vinegar
1 tbs sesame seeds
4 tbs chili garlic sauce (I like Lee Kum Kee)
1 tsp minced ginger

Garnishes

Green onions
Shredded carrots
Sliced almonds
Bean sprouts
Crispy rice sticks
House of Tsang Bangkok Peanut Sauce (available in the Asian section)

Prepare stir fry sauce. In a separate bowl mix cornstarch and warm water, set aside. Combine remaining stir fry sauce ingredients in a sauce pan, heat to boiling. Slowly stir in cornstarch mixture stirring constantly. Boil until thickened, reduce heat, keep warm.

In separate bowl add boiling water to TVP, set aside. In large skillet sauté mushrooms and water chestnuts until tender, about 4 minutes. Add TVP mixture, heat through. Add about 2/3 of the stir fry sauce mixture, combine, heat through.

Serve mixture over lettuce leafs. Garnish with choice of garnishes. Dress with remaining stir fry sauce or bottled peanut sauce.

Vegetarian Sloppy Josephine’s

I love beef, ok love is not a strong enough term. But I’m told that comercial cattle production is apparently responsible for a bunch of greenhouse gasses? I don’t really know, but I do know eating a lot of red meat isn’t that great for you. So, I give you this. Sloppy josephines. They are legitimately good, and this is coming from a beef lover. So give it a try.

2 cups textured vegetable protein (I like Bob’s Red Mill)
1 ½ cups boiling water
1 large green bell pepper (minced)
1 large onion (minced)
3 stalks celery (minced)
2 carrots (minced)
1 can (29 oz) tomato puree
1 can (6 oz) tomato paste
3tbs molasses
4tbs red wine vinegar
2tbs barbecue sauce
2tsps chili powder
1tsp Cholula pepper sauce
1 1/2 tsp garlic powder
salt & pepper (to taste)

Combine textured vegetable protein and boiling water in a separate bowl, set aside. Sautee bell pepper, onion, celery and carrots in a large skillet until tender about 6-7 minutes. Add textured vegetable protein mixture. Add tomato puree, tomato paste, molasses, red wine vinegar, barbecue sauce, chili powder, Cholula and garlic powder. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer an additional 8-10 minutes. Serve over buns or rolls if desired.

Vegetarian Sweet and Sour Noodles

This is an original recipie from me. Please don’t copy, simply provide a link to my blog.

1 white onion (chunked)
2 green bell peppers (chunked)
2 celery stalks (thinly sliced)
1 large can pineapple chunks in natural juices no sugar added
2 packages Shirataki noodles

Sauce

1 cup rice vinegar or white vinegar
1/3 cup Cup for Cup Splenda
¼ cup soy sauce
3 tbs ketchup (you can use tomato paste to avoid the sugar in ketchup)
3 tbs cornstarch

In a large skillet sauté onion, bell peppers and celery in juice from pineapple chunks until tender. Add pineapple chunks, heat through. Prepare Shirataki noodles according to package directions. Add to skillet, heat through. Combine all the sauce ingredients in small bowl, whisk thoroughly. Add sauce to skillet, heat until thickened.

This Angel has Earned her Wings

Some days I quite literally feel as though I’ve fallen from heaven…and hit every hard edge on the way down. Honestly, the weight loss surgery journey really is sometimes that rough. But I really am an Angel, a bariatric angel that is.

I’m that random stranger that shows up in your hospital room the day of your surgery to offer support in whatever form you might need. It ranges anywhere from leaving you the hell alone to insisting the hospital staff call your surgeon back due to emergency compilations.

I’ve held hands, passed Kleenex, insisted upon walking, listened, talked, prayed, cried, cajoled and then quit. Yep, for several years after my surgery I did duty as a bariatric angel then hung up my wings. At some point I just became to “normal,” in my opinion, to be able to offer much to new post-ops. I just wanted to be regular. But now, I’ve come out of retirement.

I joined the ranks of the working Angels again. Last night I got my first assignment. Much has changed in the years since I’ve been out of the game. Things are so much more formal. The program insisted I go on my first job with and “experienced” angel.

I had to hold back a chuckle when I met my new mentor. At 18 months post-op this experienced angel hadn’t even met goal yet. While I would never make light of anybody’s place in the journey, it was hard not to compare it to my seven years of maintenance.  Especially when he quipped to the patient we were visiting that I was “earning my wings.”

Let me tell you, I’ve had my wings for years. I’m just putting them to use again.

Hot Winter Drinks and Cocktails

Some post-op WLS patients simply just can’t have alcohol. That would suck. Luckily I’m not one of them. Try some of these great WLS friendly hot drinks during this cold season. They all weigh in around 110 to 175 calories.

Snuggler – Sugar free hot chocolate (I prefer Swiss Miss), 1 oz of peppermint Schnapps (try Rumple Minze it’s 100 proof)

Hot Peach Pie – One packet sugar free apple cider mix prepared, 1 oz Peachtree or peach schnapps, splash triple sec

Hot Apple Pie – One packet sugar free apple cider mix prepared, 1 shot Tuaca (or 43 Cuarenta y Tres), splash triple sec, garnish with cinnamon stick

Blueberry Tea – Hot orange Pekoe tea, 1 oz Amaretto (try Di Serrano), 1 oz Cointreau, garnish with orange twist

Raspberry Truffle – Sugar free hot chocolate, 1 oz Razzmatazz, 1 oz white crème de cacao

Cranberry Orange Tea – Cranberry herbal tea, 1 oz Cointreau (or 99 Oranges, or Grand Marnier), garnish with an orange slice and dried cranberries

Nutter Butter – Sugar free cappuccino prepared (try Hills Bros. Sugar free French Vanilla Cappuccino Drink mix sweetened with Splenda) 1 oz butterscotch schnapps, ½ oz Kahlua

Cranberry Hot Toddies – 4 tangerines, ½ cup whole cloves, 3 quarts pure, unsweetened cranberry juice (usually in a natural foods section, try the R.W. Knudsen Family Just Cranberry Juice), 2 cups Splenda (the Cup for Cup kind), 3 cups spiced rum. Cut tangerines crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick rounds and remove seeds. Stud rind of each tangerine round with 4 or 5 cloves. In a large saucepan simmer cranberry juice, tangerine rounds, and Slenda, covered, 5 minutes and stir in rum. Serve toddies with clove-studded tangerine rounds in heatproof glasses.

Irish Winter – Fresh brewed coffee, 1 oz sugar free French Vanilla Coffee Mate liquid, 1 oz Irish whiskey

Café Royal – Strong freshly brewed coffee, 1 ½ oz Patron XO Café, garnish with sugar free light whipped cream (try Land O’Lakes) and sprinkle with coco powder

Vegetarian Kung Pao Noodles

This is an original recipie from me. Please don’t copy, simply provide a link to my blog.

3 carrots, diced
3 celery stalks, sliced
1 onion, chunked
1 can sliced bamboo shoots
1 can sliced water chestnuts
4 tbs. Garlic Chili Paste or Chili Garlic Sauce (In the Asian section of the grocery store)
½ tsp red pepper flakes
2 packages of Shirataki Miracle Noodles
½ cup Party Peanuts
3 green onions sliced

This is the Chili Garlic Sauce I like but there are many others.

Cook carrots, celery and onion in a large pan over medium heat with light oil, water or vegetable stock until tender.  Add bamboo shoots and water chestnuts, heat through. Add garlic chili paste (more or less to taste) and red pepper flakes. Prepare Shirataki noodles according to package directions.  Add to pan and heat through. Toss in peanuts and green onions. Serve.

I’m the Coldest Broad You Know

Don’t take my word for it, just ask my ex husband. Oh yeah, he’ll tell you I’m a cold hearted bitch who never loved him despite putting up with his lying, cheating and addictions for nearly nine years, but that’s beside the point and not what I’m talking about. He or anyone else who knows me can testify that I’m just simply never warm, never.

The fact of the matter is, unless it’s hot, I’m cold. Yep, I’m the person who has a sweater on in August.  I smoke out the carpool when it’s my day to drive because while they sweat bullets I turn up the heater.

I really thought eventually my internal thermostat would reset after losing over 170 pounds. I believed that after the initial shock of being without my natural insulation for a while I would recover and be able to auto regulate my body temperature. I was wrong.

Heading into my 8^th post-op winter I know what I’m facing. Five months of misery. I wake up cold, get into the steaming shower, put my clothes on with absolute haste, wrap myself in a sweater, coat and scarf before hopping into the car and turning the dial to flaming inferno, get into my office and sit five inches away from my space heater, stand directly over the stove while cooking dinner, run myself a bath that would boil a lobster then get back under the down covers. And once I’m under those down covers I don’t want to come out until June.

Short sleves in November! A move to Hawaii might be in order.

Being cold sucks. But you know what sucks more? Having a smoking hot body that I would love to dress in nothing but halter tops and miniskirts and having to cover it with bulky sweaters heavy denim. Al least I’ve discovered skin-tight leggings and knee high boots.

There is an alternative though. I could move to Hawaii. Just came back from there and I was warm even in November. Yes, that’s a perfectly elegant solution; move to Hawaii. It’s got to beat Reno any day.

Pretty Mature for a Seven-Year-Old

I think I’m pretty darn mature for a seven-year-old, darn tall too. In fact, one might wonder how I have a job, a driver’s license and can get into bars. I’m even graduated from college already. Ok, I’m not one of those prodigal whiz kids who go to Harvard before puberty to get a degree in Astrophysics. I just started my life over seven years ago.

By now we all know my new beginning started with my RNY gastric bypass surgery, and honestly, I really consider myself born again. Not in any crazy spiritual or religious way either. On November 20, 2002 when I had my surgery I was 24 years old. The way I figure it, losing over 170 pounds has increased my life expectancy by at least that many years. So to make it easy I just started over counting from there.

In reality, if you check my birth certificate or something, I’m 31 but as far as I’m concerned last Friday on November 20, 2009, I turned seven. I celebrated with a Mai Tai in Maui; one of the perks of being seven and 31.

I don’t celebrate every re-birthday. I do stop for a moment on November 20^th every year and count my blessings. But for some reason seven seems really special to me, some kind of milestone somehow. So here’s to being seven. *raises imaginary Tikki glass*

It’s not a perfect system, I know. I’m going to be one pretty tough looking forty-year-old and almost eligible to collect Medicare.  But whatever…

I’m pretty darn wise for a seven-year-old too. And I never even get carded anymore.

Declaring Myself the Winner (or Loser)

Ok, while I still have one day left of the itsy bitsy teeny weenie Hawaii bikini challenge I’m calling myself the official winner. I did not make it to the 11 total pounds I wanted to lose, but I did lose 9 pounds, so I declare myself the challenge winner.

I’ve packed two darling bikinis into my suitcase and I head out for Maui on Saturday. On the suggestion of a Face Book friend, I also intend to buy myself another new bikini once I get there.

If there’s anything I’ve learned along my weight loss journey is that constant reevaluation of goals is a must. I could spend the next two days crying in my beer over how I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, but instead I’m thinking of how I’m going to order my Pina Colada.